Discover the essence of self-care in everyday moments – from serene mornings at the kitchen table to mindful decluttering sessions. It’s not about perfection; it’s about finding solace in the simplicity of self-care.
— Read on nosidebar.com/simplified-self-care/
Saying Yes
Before 2020 I was spinning so many plates. I was exhausted and I was not living the life I longed for. If anything good came from the pandemic it was that for many of us, we discovered what is truly important. For me, all of those plates that I was spinning came crashing down and suddenly life was still and quiet. My inner circle shrunk and my world became small. Up until that point I was frequently trying to figure out how to put things down and how to walk away from the the places where I felt stuck. When plates and walls came crashing down, I realized that at the end of this, I could go back to the way things were, or I could simply walk away from that franticly busy life I had been living and start fresh. I chose the latter.
I could tell you all of the things that I say no to now, but instead, I will tell you what I say yes to.
I say yes to peace and quiet. I sip my coffee slowly in the morning before anyone else wakes up. I walk my dog. I sit on my patio, reading and listening to the wind chimes. I say yes to minding my own business.
I say yes to quality time with the people that I love. I used to have a lot of relationships that I was constantly striving to maintain. Now I have my family, a few friends and some acquaintances. I say yes to lots of lunch dates and bike rides with my husband. (We even spent a few months taking dance lessons together!) I say yes to walks, days spent by the pool and special events with my kids. I say yes to family coming to visit. I occasionally say yes to coffee or lunch dates with friends. I say yes to small neighborhood gatherings where we drink wine and chat. I say yes to attending church and spending time with my religious community.
I say yes to privacy. I recently removed about 900 friends from our Facebook. It occurred to me that I was allowing all these people to, in a sense, look through our windows. If you made the Facebook cut, it’s because I know you, I trust you and I want to know what’s happening in your life, as well as give you a glimpse into ours.
I say yes to simplicity. I say yes to minimalism and a clutter free home. I say yes to simple, healthy meals. I say yes to supporting local farmers rather than trying to grow my own food. I say yes to a small closet with a few of my favorite things and doing less laundry. I say yes to the walkable life and sticking close to home.
I say yes to myself. I buy the flowers. I say yes to being in the present and savoring the moment. I set boundaries. I say yes to doing things that bring me joy. I say yes to discovering my core values and being true to them. I say yes to pursuing my dreams. I say yes to therapy and preventive healthcare.
Life is not perfect. Storms will certainly come. In the midst of it all, I say yes to enduring hope. I know that the storms will pass.
In short, I say yes to living a free, joyful, rich and meaningful life.
Interview with Myself
For a long time, as a writer, I struggled with how to not say too much. I lived under a system that taught me that my role as a woman was to be quiet. My writing was hindered by all the things I would not allow myself to say. When I walked away from that system I struggled to find my voice again. To be honest, I am still struggling with that.
I find myself continuously questioning my own motives for writing. Please indulge me as I address some of the questions I ask myself, as kindly as possible.
Are you trying to be an influencer? Nope. In fact, the older I get, the more I long for privacy. I don’t like social media. I have only true friends and family on my friends list. It is a good way to keep up with people I care about, but I have zero desire to live in a glass house.
Why do you think people care about what you have to say? I don’t presume that they do. Since I was able to hold a pencil and write stories, it has been a natural part of my life. Most of what I write is only for my eyes. But years ago I wrote a weekly column for a local newspaper, and people often told me that they felt inspired by the things I wrote and that they looked forwards to reading my stories. I write for those who find joy and encouragement in the bits and pieces of my life that I share.
Do you think you have something unique to say? I think the world is full of beautiful stories and all are unique in some way. Sometimes I get hung up on feeling like I don’t have anything to say that hasn’t already been said in a way far better than I could. I keep this quote over my nightstand and it helps me in those moments.
“Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: Whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it.”
C.S. Lewis
Isn’t it arrogant to assume that you have something that other people want to read? This used to be a big fear of mine! I never wanted people to think that I thought I was smarter than them or that I thought I had all the answers. I didn’t want people to think that I was boasting about my life. The reality is that allowing others to read your story and have access to your thoughts is quite humbling. I would never be able to be vulnerable and share the things I do if I had even a shred of arrogance in me.
So, why do you want to be a writer? I choose to share some of what I write because, just as a painter paints or a singer sings, it is my art form. Writing brings me clarity and joy and I hope that I can add a little beauty to my tiny corner of the world by sharing what I write.
It was helpful for me to answer these questions that I deal with every time I sit down at my desk to write! Fellow artists and writers, do you deal with this kind of inner dialogue? What has helped you to overcome it?
Working on My Relaxation Skills
It’s a rainy Saturday morning. The house is dark and quiet, except for the pitter pattering on the roof. We were going to spend the weekend working at our farm, but sniffles and the weather have derailed that plan. I cannot say that I mind. Our weeks tend to be so busy and I am glad for an unexpected, relaxing weekend at home.
It can be challenging to set apart time to relax. Here are some ways that I am trying to incorporate relaxation into my daily life.
- Quiet: This is not something that I get a lot of, living in a small house with seven other people. When it comes, I embrace it! When it’s nowhere to be found, I create it. I recently moved a comfy chair into my room. I will sit in my chair with a cup of tea, close my eyes and play some relaxing nature sounds.
- Take a walk: A long walk with my doodle definitely helps me work out things that are stuck in my head. Sometimes the conversations in my head spill out of my mouth, and more than once I realized people were looking at me strangely. I smile and pat my dog, as if I was talking to her.
- Listen to an audio book: I’d like to be able to sit on the couch and curl up with a book, but it feels impossible these days. I listen to books while I clean, drive or drift off to sleep. Sometimes I listen to serious, heady books, but when I want to relax I go for stories about people. I like to hear how other people live and think.
- A hot shower: My shower is my oasis! I have a speaker in there and I turn up whatever type of music that I happen to be into at the time. I throw in an aroma therapy shower bomb and I lather up. World War 3 could be happening in my kitchen and I wouldn’t even know it. This is a way to shut the world out for a few minutes. I come out of my showery retreat feeling totally refreshed.
- Happy hour: Most evenings after my husband gets home from work, we sit outside and have a glass of wine together. We talk about our days and decompress before going in and starting the evening routine.
These are a few ways that I relax and they are an important part of my self-care routine. A relaxed mom is a calm mom and that leads to a more peaceful home. Learning to relax is a work in progress for me. It’s a skill that takes practice.
What do you do to relax? I am open to ideas!
Beginning Again
I am going to be vulnerable and tell you why writing has been so difficult for me the past few years. I used to write all the time. I even had a weekly newspaper column for a while, and I never ran out of things to say. But, you see, back then, I wouldn’t admit it, but I thought I was wise. I thought I had figured out how to live and I wanted to show others how to live too.
Then my world, much like yours, got turned upside down. It started before the pandemic. I found myself asking a lot of questions. I had always had questions, but I did not allow myself to dwell on them. “Do the next thing” was my mantra. But it came to a point where I couldn’t do the next thing because my questions wouldn’t let me. It was like they stopped me in my tracks and paralyzed me.
I thought that if I prayed hard enough my questions would go away. In a way, they did. Some things became excruciatingly clear to me. I knew that I was not living the life that I was called to live. I was not where I was supposed to be. When the pandemic hit I was suddenly alone with my questions and I decided to stop running from them.
So here I am, a few years later, at almost 53, learning how to live a life of freedom, peace and joy. In so many ways, I feel like a child again, relearning all of life’s lessons.
I am not qualified to tell anyone how to live. Since I always wrote with an aim to show others how a good Christian woman should live and to share a bit of my wisdom, I now find myself speechless. (I am still a Christian. Just not one who sees the world quite so black and white as I used to.) I love to write. I enjoy being in the company of other writers. I want to share my stories. A few months ago I sat in a circle of amazing women and shared a little of my story. Several told me that I needed to write a book. I want to, if only for myself and my family. But, where do I begin?
If you follow me, be prepared for some upcoming random ramblings as I try to find my voice.
Baby Steps to Minimalism
I have, by no means, perfected minimalism. It’s been a journey that I have been on for several years. It takes discipline for me to say no to all the little gadgets that catch my attention. For example, the other day at Target I saw a Nespresso machine on sale. When we went on vacation this summer, one of our Airbnb’s had one and it was fun! I stood there pondering if I should get it. I thought about how much space it would take up on my counter and that was a definite negative. I couldn’t justify having that and my trusty Mr. Coffee sitting out. Then I looked at the cost of the pods and the deal was sealed. It is a cool gadget and I enjoyed using it while on vacation, but the extra clutter and expense are not worth it to me.
While frugality is part of the journey, I am willing to spend money on quality items, especially if items are multi purpose and can somehow simplify my life. A couple of months ago my cabinet that holds pots and pans was becoming an issue. It was cluttered, the pots were getting old and ugly, and I realized I used the same ones regularly while the other ones got continuously pushed out of the way. So, I gave most of my old cookware to Goodwill and purchased a set of Caraway pots. They were not cheap, but I love them! They are a set of four pots and they came with an organizer. They are so pretty that I have them out on the counter by my stove. They cook evenly, are totally nonstick and are so easy to clean. I did hold on to a couple of old sauce pans, but honestly, we haven’t used them at all since I got this set. I am going to go ahead and let them go live at one of my short term rental properties. I also invested in some of the Caraway bakeware, getting rid of my old stained and warped things. I am very pleased with my purchase!
I also purged my kitchen utensils, getting rid of old, broken, unused and impractical items. I bought a simple set that fits in a crock on my counter. I haven’t missed anything that I got rid of. I still have a few drawers I am working on. I have been slowly eliminating food storage containers. I don’t need as many as I seem to think I am going to need, and I despise the flimsy plastic lids that are always in the way. I am looking for a good set that is good quality and easy to store. Have you found a set you love?
In other areas of the house I have minimized things like towels and bedding. I have a few white towels for my bathroom. I have a few brown towels for the boys’ bathroom, and the girls each have their own color coded towels that they wash with their laundry each week. My girls have beddys, which are a comforter and sheet all one, best described as a sleeping bag that slips over the mattress. They are very simple to wash and replace on the bed. For all the other beds I have 2 sets of sheets, although I am pretty sure the extra set is unnecessary.
I think that one thing that has helped me with this process is being a short term rental (STR) hostess. In my STR’s I strive to provide everything needed for a convenient and comfortable stay, without excess. In the kitchen there are enough dishes for the maximum guests, basic cookware, a couple of baking essentials, a crock of cooking utensils, a toaster, a blender, a hand mixer and a coffeepot/keurig combo. Guests often comment on the well stocked kitchen. In the bathroom I provide 2 towels per person, I washrag per person and a couple of extra hand towels. I also provide a couple of black makeup rags in each bathroom. This saves my white towels! (After my first ever guests I was shocked to find the perfect shroud of a woman’s face on one of my brand new towels!) I do have a supply closet with extra sheets and towels, but I have never had guests use that supply. Each bed has a duvet and a thin, easy wash quilt to cover the duvet. I also keep an extra blanket for each bed in the bedroom closet. Figuring out what my guests need to be comfortable has helped me to comfortably simplify my own home.
Minimalism is not a once and done deal. It is a lifestyle that I am still in the process of learning how to live. It does not mean that you can’t have nice things! For me, it means having less junk and more higher quality things.
Some people think that minimalism is sterile, void of creativity and uncomfortable. I disagree! For me, it is making space for the things I love and getting rid of the clutter. Every year I let go of a little more of the excess and it always feels amazing to me. Baby steps and the discipline to tell myself no to unnecessary items are getting me closer to my goal of a clutter free home. On that note, I have some kitchen drawers to conquer today!
I hope you have a peaceful Sunday.
How We Run a Household
It has felt really good to get back into the school year routine. At the moment, life feels very ordered and in control. (Of course all it takes is one big bump to turn the cart!) Everyone knows when they need to get up, what they need to do, where they need to be and when and what needs to be done in the evening before we go to bed and start over again.
The weekends are pretty laid back. On Saturdays we let the kids sleep in. Sometimes we will go and do something fun. Today we are going to help my daughter move and then we will hang out for a bit in her city. Sometimes we just stay home and relax! On Sundays we go to church and then we come home and eat lunch. My middle daughter usually comes home from college to do laundry and every now and then all the kids show up. I feel like we do a lot of sitting around and visiting on Sundays, and I love that!
I used to spend a lot of time cleaning on the weekends, but we have since hired someone to come in and clean every other week. I am amazed at how much time that saves me and how stress free I feel. A clean house is a relaxing house. I do still have the kids clean up their rooms, wipe down their bathrooms, take out their trash, etc.
That brings me to chores. Everyone in our house has chores. One kid loads the dishwasher, another unloads, another wipes down the kitchen. All the younger kids pitch in to put away food after dinner. I will vacuum or run the Roomba every couple of days. Everyone in the family has a laundry day. I don’t do anyone’s laundry except mine and my husbands. We each fold and put away our own. Everybody pitches in with other things. I ask the closest kid to take the trash out and the next closest to put a new bag in the can. For trash pick up day, everyone grabs a can and takes it to the curb and brings it back the next day. We will have the kids all pitch in to clean the chicken yard. Some jobs are paying jobs. We pay our kids to mow and weed eat and do special jobs. For example, this summer we stained our deck and paid the kids who helped. This week we had roofers come and we paid one of the kids go around with the magnet to get nails up off the driveway and out of the yard. Poop scooping is a dreaded job that we pay our youngest to do.
We have two adult sons living with us. One works full time and one is in college. We don’t give them a regular chore, but we ask them to be available to help with things. One loves to cook and frequently cooks dinner for the family. Sometimes I might need help picking up kids from school or something might break at one of my airbnbs, and I have extra hands available to help me. My husband and I go on a date once a week and it’s good to have adults around to keep an eye on things.
It’s a really great system that is working for us right now. We have a lot going on in our family! We have a lot of people and we tend to go in a lot of different directions, but somehow everything works and there is not a lot of stress.
Honestly, I have to give my husband a lot of the credit for simplifying the whole process of chores and work. I tend to want to make elaborate lists and and charts. He was the one who was like, “Why are you making things so complicated?” He was right! Simpler is better.
For a long time I believed that I was supposed to be the one who did all the work. It was hard for me to let my husband help. In my mind, he worked outside of the home and I did the work at home. Then, I started a business and he cut back at work. I would say that now we split the home responsibilities 50/50 and it’s great! I am a lousy organizer, so he does that while I stay on top of tidying, buying groceries and general cleanliness. He does a lot of the outside work. Owning and maintaining several airbnbs plus our own home keeps us both very busy! We split taking the kids to school and picking them up. We are very much partners in the running of our family, our home and our business. I think we make a great team!
I always love hearing about how other people do things and make things work! Feel free to message me and tell me how your family does things. I hope you enjoyed hearing how we make things work.
Have a great Saturday!
The Girl in the Mirror
My life is strangely quiet these days. I used to have a very loud inner dialogue that is mostly gone.
It went something like this: “You messed up again. Why can’t you just get it right? Look at all these other ladies! They are doing it. Why can’t you be more like them?”
Then I realized something. I didn’t want to be like them. I wanted to be myself! The problem was that I had marched to the beat of someone else’s drum for so long that I didn’t know myself. I spent years trying to measure up to an unrealistic standard that had everything to do with who I was comparing myself to, rather than who I was. One day I whispered a prayer that I suspect God was waiting a long time to hear. “Lord, please show me who I am.”
That prayer sent me on a journey that has led me here, to this oddly quiet place. Gosh, I wish I had prayed that prayer 30 years ago! This is a beautiful and peaceful place. I am not trying to be anyone else. I don’t really care what people think of me. (Okay… I am still working on that. But I care a lot less!) I am no longer my own worst enemy. I no longer berate myself. I have learned to be kind to and to appreciate the lady in the mirror. It turns out, I kinda like her.
Dear friends, I hope that you are not living in that prison. If you are, I hope that you find freedom much sooner than I did. If you don’t remember who you are, ask God to show you. He wants you to be who He created you to be. Make peace with the girl in the mirror! Forgive her. Be kind to her. And, get to know her, because she is an amazing woman!
Back to School
We all survived the first day of everyone being back at school! This morning went even smoother than yesterday, other than having to yell through a ring camera to wake up an oversleeper because I was dropping off another kid and they weren’t answering their phone. (It worked!) And, I did have to talk that same kid out of wearing a full turkey hunting outfit, complete with fake leaves, to school.
Speaking of back to school outfits, I’m happy to be back in my new and improved mom uniform. It’s improved because I have discovered petite yogi place pants on Amazon, and compression socks. The complete uniform involves said yoga pants and compression socks, a Life is Good or similarly upbeat t-shirt, and my favorite brooks tennis shoes. A featured accent piece is the yeti to go coffee mug that my husband got for free from work last year. I feel ready for anything in my uniform! And yes, I am a basic, middle aged, mom.
On the agenda for today is a long walk with my sweet pup, Sadie and laundry. Unfortunately my washer stopped spinning just in time for the school year to start and I cannot get a repairman here for two weeks. When you have a household of 8, the washer is always going! So, I may be making a trip to the laundromat.
Also, it’s Thursday, which means it is date night! I love date night! Last week we snuck out on a lunch date and we met a lovely couple. (Somehow we always end up having conversations with the people at the next table. A few weeks ago our table neighbors told my husband that they were going to kidnap me for a weekend, and then tried to drag me out of the restaurant!) Anyway, we had a nice lunch conversation and at the end the young husband said, “Our relationship goal is to be like you someday.” They asked us for our secret. We both agreed and told them to always make time for each other. My husband pointed to us and said, “This relationship is the most important relationship in the family.” It’s true! When we are strong, the family is strong. Next week we are starting dance lessons, which is something we have talked about doing for years. We are more fun and spontaneous than ever and I love it!
Well, my pooch is looking at me with imploring eyes. It’s time for a walk! I hope you have a beautiful day.
An Ordinary, Balanced Life
It’s looking like it’s going to be a beautiful weekend! I am letting the kids sleep in while I spend some time on the patio with my coffee and my doodle baby. When the kids do get up we are going to spend some time cleaning and then we will head out to spend the day at the pool.
It’s hard to believe that the summer is almost over! I have one kiddo starting back to school in 2 weeks, and the other two start in four weeks. We have been squeezing in all the summer doctor appointments and the back to school shopping has begun.
Back when I was a homeschooler, all of my non homeschooling friends would start getting giddy around this time of summer, just as I was starting to feel the back to school panic setting in. I have to admit, I feel a tinge of giddy! The truth is, I am glad that I don’t have to be responsible to educating my kids. I know to some people that might sound incredibly selfish, but believe me when I say that it’s better for everyone. We have been blessed to find great schools for our kids and they are getting a far better education than I could give them. And, if I am being totally honest, I think I am a better mom to them when I don’t have to be their teacher as well. There are some amazing people who can do it all. I tried to be one of those people for many years. It was hard to let go of the ideal woman that I thought I was supposed to be, yet so freeing to finally admit that I was never, and never could be, her.
The door of our home is always revolving. My daughter moved into an apartment near her college a couple of weeks ago. (My younger daughters are thrilled to each have their own rooms now.)
Shortly before we left for a three week vacation we discovered a leak in our basement, where my boys sleep. We moved them into my short term rental right next door and began an unexpected renovation project. There were two boys that moved out. Next week three will be moving back into their new man cave, as my oldest son moved back home shortly after my daughter moved out.
Another unexpected project was that we had to replace the sewer line at the house where the boys were staying. Two years ago we bought three 100+ year old houses and since that time, we have replaced all three sewer lines. To be honest, I had no idea that was even a thing, but I’ve become an expert at recognizing old house problems now. I am not complaining! I love old houses and I am truly living a dream come true.
Among other things, my husband and youngest son stained our deck and my oldest son is getting ready to stain the fencing around our house. My husband has decided that we need a pot rack in our kitchen and will be working on that next week. So, it’s been a summer full of projects that will hopefully be all wrapped up next week. The goal is to put my house back together and get it deep cleaned before school starts back. While the chaos of big projects drives me crazy, I am excited to enjoy the changes we have made.
In closing, I just want to share that I am extraordinarily thankful for where I am at in life. Even in the midst of chaos and the difficulties that I don’t mention here, I have found peace and freedom. I love my family. I do not feel the need to prove myself to anyone. I am not marching to the beat of someone else’s drum. I know my weaknesses and my strengths. I have my priorities straight. Yes, I am very busy. But, I also know how to rest.
I am finding a balance that I struggled for so long to find. I wish I could explain how I found it, but I don’t know if I can. It’s involved removing a lot of mental clutter and embracing truth. Some truths that I have learned are that life is a gift, it is okay to not have all the answers, there is nothing wrong with boundaries and love makes all the difference.
And now, it’s time to work! I hope you have a lovely and balanced day.
Chapter 53: Embracing the In-Between 